The Darling Trenches
by Jiminy The Cricket
Summary: Blackadder, George, Baldrick and Darling are sent on a scout party for an old trench that they recently recaptured. However, no one knows it's connection to Captain Darling until it's too late.
1. Chapter 1

**Basically this whole thing came from a personal headcanon of mine about Darling. I know from personal experience that twitches don't come from nothing. This is set a short time before Captain Cook, ad It's almost definitely nowhere near canon, but I like it...**

* * *

It was morning in the trenches, and already there were smatterings of gunfire from somewhere to the left of their trench. Blackadder was taking the chance to put his feet up, before the new day of madness truly began. It was their turn on patrol in an hour and the weather wasn't looking promising.

"Another storms on the way Captain," Baldrick as he came through the door.

"Well that's just great," Blackadder sighed. "Twelve hours standing in the rain, followed by twelve hours lying in the mud," He took a large gulp of water from his canteen. He'd initially drunk coffee or tea, but since learning of Baldrick's rather...creative Ersatz ingredients, he'd decided to stick to water. At least he knew which puddle it came from.

The phone on the desk rang and Blackadder sighed and picked it up. "Yes? Oh hello, Darling...oh yes?" He sighed. "Okay, if I must. I'll be there shortly." He put the phone down and turned to George and Baldrick. "Right, that was a call from HQ. Apparently Melchett has another plan for our unit."

"Oh why can't they call on someone else for a change? Whenever there's a new danger it's always us that has to do it!"

"I don't know; probably Darling hedging is bets trying to get us out of his hair."

"Captain Darling's always such a poor sport," George sighed. "I often wonder who spat in his coffee to put him in such a foul mood."

"That was probably me, sir," Baldrick admitted. "That reminds me, do you want a cup?"

"Ah go on then, Balders."

Blackadder considered for a moment as Baldrick handed George the cup of unmentionables.

"Funnily enough, I used to know Darling before the war actually," Blackadder noted.

"Really?" George asked in surprised.

"Oh yes, we grew up in the same town. Knew each other through school. Always been a natural pencil pusher, that one. Lost contact with him when I joined the army and didn't see him again until he turned up to nick the job as Melchett's secretary from right under my nose. Probably a blessing in hindsight, but he's still a smug bastard about it even now."

"That's interesting, sir. You know I've always wondered about his," George spasmed his eye in a badly mimicked twitch.

"I honestly don't know," Blackadder mused. "Didn't have it when I knew him. Probably stress from having to deal with Melchett, and I wouldn't blame him. I can barely stand him for five minutes, let alone be in his office 24/7."

* * *

Darling was pencilling in the newest paper clip count into the office inventory when Blackadder and co. entered.

"What does the General want with us now, Darling?" Blackadder asked.

Darling twitched at the name, as per usual, and was about to make some biting reply when the door to the generals office slammed open

"DARLING!"

"Sir!" Darling leapt to his feet, nearly snapping his pencil in two.

"Ah, Blackadder!" Melchett spotted the captain. "Glad you and your boys could make it!"

"Wouldn't miss it for the world sir!" George said eagerly.

"And I'm rather sorry to miss the world for this," Blackadder muttered, earning a sharp glare from Darling.

"Why have you called us in this time, sir?" Blackadder asked louder.

"I got word this morning that our fine soldiers have reclaimed some of our trenches back from Jerry's forces. I want you and your boys to accompany us down to the trenches to see the state they were left in. Apparently, they haven't been touched and were just behind the enemy lines when they advanced, but you never know what those Germans might have gotten up to there."

Rather than his usual sycophantic smug smile, Darling looked perplexed.

"Pardon me, General but which trenches are these?" he asked.

"The one six miles west along the front lines. Went behind the enemy lines two years ago."

Darling noticeably paled but swallowed it down quickly and bit out:

"P-pardon sir but if I may object, I-"

"No you may not! Honestly, Darling what's the matter with you?" Melchett scolded him.

"I'm sorry sir," Darling scrambled to recover. "But-"

"Just get the car ready, we're heading down there in an hour," Melchett took off out the door, leaving Darling staring desperately after him.

* * *

They reached the trench near dusk. It was a mess of broken ladders and churned mud, a few weeds sprouting along the base of the trench wall.

Soldiers had been there all day, digging out a couple of collapsed dugouts and setting up the basic equipment for the soldiers to be moved in over the next few days.

"Hm, not as bad as I thought. What do you think, Blackadder?"

"You'll be glad to know it looks like every other trench I've seen, sir."

"Sir-" Darling attempted to speak up again.

"Come on, Darling we need to inspect the finished dugouts." Melchett strode down the trench.

Blackadder frowned. Darling looked more on edge than usual, and he hadn't even been trying. Something was wrong.

As Melchett walked ahead, he sidled up to the beleaguered assistant.

"Are you alright, Darling?" he asked.

"Y-yes I'm fine," Darling twitched.

"Hm..."

"Carry on, Blackadder," Darling brushed him off, marching ahead woodenly after the General.

* * *

The trench was pretty horrific, but not really worse than any of the others. Someone had obviously attempted to fix up the dugouts, but it was still pretty bad.

"What's that stain there?" Baldrick asked, pointing to a dark patch on the wall.

"Probably some blood left over from when the trench was attacked," Melchett waved it off.

Blackadder noticed that Darling had gone pale at the sight, but assumed it was just him being squeamish.

"Well everything seems to be in order," Melchett clapped his hands together. As he did so, there was a loud crash of thunder nearly directly overhead them.

"Oh no," Blackadder sighed.

"Oh dear," George peered out of the door. "Looks like the storms caught up with us chaps."

"Well, it looks like you boys will be staying here tonight," Melchett told them.

"Wonderful." Blackadder said.

"Shall I call the car round, sir?" Darling asked.

"No, I can call them myself. You stay with them, Darling."

"W-what!?" Darling spluttered. "But we can't. This place is a mess, it isn't suitable-."

"No, don't let me get in the way of getting back down to basics, camping out in the trenches with the boys."

"But-"

"Now I'll hear no more about it. I'll see you tomorrow, Darling!" Melchett walked out the trench, calling out over the beginning patterings of rain.

* * *

"Don't look so gloomy, Captain!" George said to Darling. "It'll be fun!"

"I highly doubt that, Lieutenant," Blackadder said, unrolling his bedding on one of the bunks. The rain was now torrential outside, and they'd had to shove the door closed to stop the water diluting the dried mud inside the dugout. "I've been bunking with you and Baldrick for the past year and a half and it has been anything but fun."

"Just go to bed, Blackadder," Darling sighed wearily. He didn't have a bedroll, but there was basic sheets and pillow on the bunk to use. He missed his private room back at headquarters; sure it was the size of a cupboard, but at least he knew the bedbugs personally.

"Well I didn't realise it was possible to get into bed the wrong side, but you've seemed to have managed it."

He didn't know how long he's been asleep, but it was pitch black when Blackadder was ripped out of his dreams with a blood curdling scream, coming from the corner of the room.

"Wha-"

It took a few seconds to light the gas lamp, but when it finally glowed he saw where it'd come from.

"Darling?"

The captain was sat in the corner of the dugout, knees folded up to his chest and white as a sheet as he stared into the darkness. His twitch was going at a million miles an hour, jerking his head around so much it looked like he'd been possessed.

"What the-" Blackadder got out of his bed and made his way over to the other Captain.

"What is it, Captain?" Baldrick asked sleepily as Blackadder passed his bed.

"Nothing, Baldrick," Blackadder whispered. "Go back to sleep."

Baldrick didn't even reply, already dead to the world once again.

"Darling!" Blackadder snapped as he reached him. "Darling!" Where there was no response, he shook his shoulders. "Kevin! For god's sake snap out of it! What's going on?" Blackadder resorted back to the Captain's first name in hopes of pulling him back to the present.

Suddenly, Darling seemed to snap back to reality, noticing Blackadder and freezing, his breathing still laboured.

"Blackadder?" He frowned.

"Kevin what the hell's going on?"

Darling seemed to instantly seize up, going into his behind-the-desk look when he wanted to seem his most officious.

"None if your business, Blackadder, go back to sleep," he snapped, but his twitch gave him away.

"Captain, you just had a panic attack, I don't think that's nothing."

"Just go back to bed, Blackadder, that's an order," he snapped, lying back down onto his bunk.

"Darl-"

"Goodnight, Blackadder."

Seeing that Darling wasn't to be reasoned with, Blackadder sighed and went back to his bed. As he lay back down, just before he extinguished the lamp, he noticed that Darling had drawn his blanket up round his head.


	2. Chapter 2

The next day they returned to their normal routines, but Blackadder was still thinking over the incident in the trench the night before.

Of course it could have been a nightmare: it would be typical of a yellow pencil pusher like Darling to scare himself like that. But he was sure Darling was awake when he screamed...

He was actually begrudgingly pleased when he was called yet again to go to Melchett's office, if only to see if he could get more information about the clerk's strange behaviour.

Darling wasn't having the best morning. The loss of several hours of sleep was weighing his concentration down and he'd already miscounted the office inventory several times. He wiped at the tired skin round his eyes and started on the numbers once again.

One of the sergeants in charge of the moved battalion had been called in to debrief with Melchett. He'd been here for more than an hour, and Darling was doing his best to keep his head down. The sergeant was renowned for his prying, and the last thing he needed was to be pulled into a conversation about personal matters. However, just as he was leaving the man paused and turned to Darling with a frown.

"Hey, I remember you. Cartwright wasn't it?" he asked.

"Darling," Darling corrected, with an irritable twitch.

"You what?"

"My name. Is Darling." He bit out testily.

"Oh yeah, Captain Darling," he said. "Hey, didn't you used to be the Captain of that platoon out along the East line?"

Darling twitched again. "Yes, well-"

"You gonna re-join the troops down in the trenches then?" He interrupted. "Or are you gonna stay in this cushy desk job with Melchett?"

"I think my skills are better suited in an administration position," he said, not looking up from his paper.

"Suit yourself," the man shrugged, and left, Darling glared daggers into his back.

A few moments later, Blackadder entered. Darling was spared the normal jump surprise of his entrance, having his eyes on the door as it opened.

"Good morning, Darling," Blackadder said. "I don't know about you but I had a _marvellous_ nights sleep."

"Yes, very good Blackadder," Darling snapped acidicly. "Now I'm very busy so if you would-"

"Tell me, Darl-"

" _Captain_ Darling," Darling spat out, nearly snapping the pencil again.

"-ling," Blackadder continued regardless, leaning against the desk casually. Darling moved some of his pencils away from Blackadder's hand, to stop him knocking them out of place. "Why did you get this job?"

"I actually went to school, Blackadder," he said. "I didn't just sign up to shoot pigmies first chance I got."

"But was that the _real_ reason you got this job over me?" Blackadder asked. "Or was it because-" he pulled out his pistol and fired it into the ceiling, before brandishing it in Darling's face "Sterben wie der hund sind sei, Englisch abschaum!" He yelled in broken German.

The reaction was almost instant; Darling leapt backwards out of his chair with a strangled tell, eyes wide with utter terror; the chair clattering to the floor as his back hit the wall. Right now he wasn't looking at Blackadder, he was staring at an angry German solider _brandishing a sizeable revolver to his forehead. He was in the trench, a storm raging overhead with shouts and yells outside as other soldiers ran towards their dugout, but they would be too late. Behind him, bodies lay strewn throughout the dugout. Oh god the blood-_

Blackadder stared at the quivering Darling for a moment. This wasn't the proud rival he verbally sparred with on a daily basis, this was a terrified man. He quickly shook off the shock (and slight pity, although he'd never admit it) went straight for the interrogation, tinged with actual concern and interest.

"What happened?" He asked.

"They attacked the trench..." Darling recited blankly, still staring into the middle-distance. He twitched sharply, in a way that must have hurt his neck.

"Who attacked?"

"The Germans. In the middle of the night. The trench..."

"What happened?" he asked again.

Darling hesitated, then gave a pained, almost mournful cry as he stared into the flashback.

Blackadder realised he needed to snap him out of it. "Darl- _Kevin_ calm down."

The man's breathing was fast now, bordering on hyperventilation.

" _Have to get out have to get out have to get out have to get out_ -"

"You're in your office, calm down!" a voice called out, he frowned; it sounded like-

"Bl- Blackadder?" he stammered.

Oh that's right, Blackadder had been called in to see Melchett hadn't he? Trust the _git_ to pull something like that, on a man of his disposition.

"Kevin, are you alright?"

Darling started, Blackadder _never_ used his first name. Not since school. He quickly went into the defensive; he'd broken down. In front of _Edmund Blackadder._ He'd never live this down. He'd seen, he _knew-  
_

"What do you want, Blackadder?" He cut across his train of thought before another wave of panic set it. Blackadder was the one man you couldn't let your guard down around. One weakness spotted and that was his weapon against you. He'd been using his twitch against him for almost two years now.

"Kevin for gods sake-"

"It's _Captain Darling,_ " Darling spat venomously, scrambling to his feet with attempted grace and straightening out his army-regulation jacket, before marching past Blackadder out the door. His heart was still going like the clappers from the flashback; he needed some tea and a sit down. Hopefully Blackadder would be gone by the time

* * *

Blackadder was early for his appointment, so decided to hang around outside the office. As he leaned against a wall, he spotted two officers talking a few meters down the corridor, or more precisely heard their discussion:

"Didn't know Captain Darling was his secretary," one of the officers was saying. "Last time I saw him he was running from the trenches with his tail between his legs..."

"Excuse me?" Blackadder walked up to them mid-conversation, his interest piqued.

"Yes?" the officers turned to look at him with an annoying air of superiority that Blackadder instantly disliked.

"I heard you talking about Captain Darling," he said. "His last post, was in your trench?"

"Actually it was the trench next to ours, why?"

"Personal friend of mine," Blackadder lied. "He never told me what happened and I was hoping you'd fill me in."

"Interesting story actually," he said. "The trenches were stormed in the night by Jerries. We fought back but had to retreat to other more protected trenches. Captain

Darling's trench was hit the strongest, only he and a few others managed to escape, the rest were killed. I don't know what the Captain saw, but he was in intensive care for shock for a few weeks. Next I heard, they gave him the position of Melchett's assistant to keep him busy during recovery away from the front."

"Really?"

"Oh yes, apparently he couldn't stand being in any trench for a good while afterwards."

"Tell me, was his trench one of the ones east of here?"

"Oh yes, I'm moving my men in there today. The ones we recently reclaimed."

Blackadder spotted the clock on the wall, it was nearing the time of his appointment.

"I have to go now, but thank you for, sir," Blackadder saluted and walked away."

"What is it, Blackadder?" Melchett asked as Blackadder entered his office; the fact that he'd called for him in the first place escaping him.

"Well, I never thought I'd be saying this, but... I'm concerned about Captain Darling."

"Oh it isn't that ridiculous trench business, is it?" Melchett snorted dismissively. "I've told him a thousand times that there's no reason to be so affected by it anymore.

It's safely behind our lines now, and anyway it was a good two years ago at least."

"Sir, that's the worst shell shock I've seen this side of the trench."

"Pah, it was just a small attack. He wasn't fit to stay in the trenches, kept twitching and screaming every time a gun went off. So we moved him here."

"For his peace of mind, sir?"

"No! So he didn't affect the rest of the troops! Can't have weak minded men like that spreading his nerves to the rest of his soldiers. No, let the blotter jotters work their cowardice away in offices, and let the brave souls who don't panic at the sight of blood fight for our country!"

"As far as I would love to agree with you," Blackadder noted. "I don't think cowardice is the problem here."

"Nonsense, of course it is! Those doctors back in Blighty may call it an illness, we all know that it's pathetic conchy excuses."

Blackadder gave up. Melchett, as always, was thick headed and thick skinned and wasn't going to change his mind anytime soon.

Blackadder initially planned to walk straight out the office and not say anything, pretend his and Darling's little confrontation never happened and let both of them get on with their lives ignoring it. However, as he passed Darling's desk, where the man was practically ripping holes in the paper as he wrote in his frustration and shakiness, he paused and turned to him.

"For what it's worth, Kevin," he said. "I'm sorry."

Darling paused for a moment, glanced up at him with an unreadable expression, then returned to his report. As Blackadder closed the door, he heard a long-suffering sigh of a tired man and he silently agreed: they'd both had a long day.

* * *

 **I based this second half on what I've read about how many people saw PTSD and 'shell-shock' as a sign of mental weakness rather than a legitimate illness.**  
 **Sorry if it's a bit messy, I didn't realize how much I'd get into writing this...**

 **Final scene coming up soon!**


	3. Chapter 3

The next few days were uneventful, and the next time Blackadder saw either Melchett or Darling was the next time he was called back up to Melchett's office. Darling seemed to be more hostile than normal, which was understandable; the man had been seen at his most vulnerable by the one man who would prey on that. But Blackadder was in a charitable mood and decided not to mention it, going instead for the more typical jibes about his name.

After a day of madness, narrowly escaping death several times and verbally sparring with Darling; Blackadder and his men had resorted to masquerading as chefs in the General's kitchen and avoided the Big Push. However, after a particularly dungy dinner, they'd fled back to the trenches. Now sitting around in the quiet dug-out, a lot of the trenches now empty from the soldiers going over the top, Blackadder decided to give the General Staff a ring to see how their dinner had gone down.

"Hello, Darling. How was dinner?" he asked, watching as Baldrick and George tried to outwit each other at Tic-Tac-Toe.

"Measly," Darling said. "You didn't really expect me not to recognise your voice over the phone? Pope Gregory the Nineth indeed."

"Ah."

"And I can smell Baldrick a mile away, I didn't touch anything except the bread. And even then I scraped the butter off, I _know_ you Blackadder."

"Did the General enjoy the meal?" Blackadder asked. Baldrick had managed to get a four in a row, while George was trying to sharpen his stick with his army regulation knife.

"Oh yes, he loved it," Darling sighed, straightening a pencil on his desk. "Very disappointed that the chefs couldn't stay on, in fact."

"And why didn't they, Darling?" Blackadder asked testily. Darling had had the staff escort the newly employed cooks out of the kitchens, finding the very angry old chef locked in the pantry.

"If they did, I'd have starved and Melchett would have been dead in a week."

"And what a shame that would be."

"Careful, Blackadder I can have you done for treason."

"Melchett's royalty now is he?"

He could practically hear Darling's twitch.

"If you would please let me get on with my evening, Blackadder? We both have things to do?"

"Oh I'm sure brushing the General's moustache must be tiring work."

"Work that _you wanted,_ Blackadder," Darling said, "Don't act like your above it all."

"Where's the fun in that?"

"Enjoy your Rat O'Van, Blackadder."

The phone line went dead and Blackadder put the earpiece down. He was glad things were back to normal.


End file.
